My Calling
Every night, I sneak into my daughter's room to kiss and pray for her. I find her twisted into an unnatural position, with her stuffed animals neatly lined up at the bottom of her bed. This scene perfectly sums up her personality. She is feisty and uncontrollable. But she is also thoughtful. She draws pictures for her sick friends, loves to give food and money to the homeless, and is continually handing me toys to give to other children. I love being a mom, I adore my daughter, and I love watching her grow into the person God is forming her to be.
But I’m not called to be a mother.
My husband joins me in this ritual. He compassionately tucks her back into the covers. After this ritual, we retreat to our room, laughing at his one-line comments about her sleeping habits. I’m madly in love with my husband.
And yet, being his wife is not my calling.
Don’t get me wrong; I believe God commands me to love my family. I sacrifice for both of them, and there are times – more than I would like to admit – where my love for them turns my family into an idol.
But I am not called to be a mother nor a wife.
My calling is to sit at Jesus’ feet and be his disciple. God calls me to love him with my whole heart and to love my neighbor as myself. God calls me to make disciples of all nations and to be a witness from Jerusalem to Judea and the ends of the earth.
But the lie that a woman’s calling is her family has shackled women to cultural definitions. It has allowed churches and ministries to have anemic women’s ministries and for women to settle for a shadow of her true identity.
The value culture places on women is directly tied to her ability to snag a husband and procreate. We celebrate weddings with an extravagance, which is only rivaled by the way we celebrate the birth of her child. The business world’s lack of understanding for working moms is evidence that our culture sees motherhood as women’s primary role.
I am guilty of being enamored with love stories and motherhood. But our fascination feels like we are filling an empty hole. But women do not have an empty hole in our hearts. We are complete – whether single, married, childless or driving around a minivan filled with children – because we are God’s children.
When my daughter was born, people said, I would finally understand love. My daughter did not teach me how to love. I learned to love from God. And my daughter is not the first person whom I have sacrificially loved. I have chosen sacrificially to love many others before her. There is something different about your biological child, but this is a sign of the curse.
As God expels Eve and Adam from the Garden of Eden, he warns Eve, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NIV) It is not a good thing when romantic desires rule women; it is part of the curse.
Jesus turns the curse into a blessing when he shows us how we can turn the love for our family into a love which radiates throughout the world. “Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mark 3:34 NIV) Jesus invites us to follow in his footsteps and love all his people with the same fierceness we love our family.
While marriage can be a blessing, Paul argues that it isn’t preferable to singleness. In his letter to Corinth, he writes, “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” (1 Corinthians 7:34) The highest vocation is serving the Lord.
Paul is aware of how marriage can distract us. While there are, of course, historical reasons for Paul to prefer singleness, Paul’s warning of marriage is still valid today. Marriage – for both women and men – divert our attention from God.
The church should value our service to God over our relationship status. But church culture mimics pop culture, disguising marriage as spiritual by referring to it as a calling. But our calling is to be followers of Christ. When Jesus invited Mary to sit at his feet, he publicly affirmed that women are called to be his disciples.
Jesus’ commands do not excuse women from caring for God’s people. He bucked a system which oppressed women and invited women into spheres of influence. Jesus included women and still includes women in calling us to follow him.
Church programs and teachings do not reflect Jesus’ call for women to be disciples. Women’s ministries focus on learning to be a mother and a wife. Churches often neglect to discipling women’s minds or encouraging women into mission.
The church should be teaching women to be disciples, but instead, it focuses on her identity as a wife and mother. But a woman is not defined by her circumstances; she is a child of God.
I am called to be a disciple of Christ. And while I love my family, they are not my calling. When I neglect my calling, I miss out on my true identity.
Photo by Tyler McRobert on Unsplash
